A Letter on Behalf of Everyone Tired on a Saturday

08 Feb, 2025

To my upstairs neighbor,

I ask kindly that you don’t blast your obnoxious music outside the legal time that is allowed. I am not a prude and have had plenty of loud parties myself. These would of course have the same kind of awful bullshit that you have blaring over your speakers at this very moment, but I at least had the courtesy to stop the music at around 11 or 12 as I knew that, although this is very fun, I am not the only one who exists.

While the music you are radiating like nuclear explosions from your speakers is horrid, the biggest pain is not the flavor of shit rather the velocity and loudness of your garbage. As I am writing you this letter, I have taken two aspirin tablets to cure the headache which pumps at the same mindnumbing BPM of the noise to which I am subjected. I have been trying to listen to my own music, but to no avail. It would really make me happy, contented even, if your friends would send you constant videos of your boring-ass shitty party as the two second relief the quieting down of the music has on my living situation is remarkable.

I try to be very mindful of you when I do my activities. My television is never loud, I always see that my speakers are at a tolerable level, and I always make sure that doors and other alleviators of noise are closed. But seeing as your partying has me in a horrible mood, I am very tempted at blasting my collection of gabber, shrieking dubstep, and black metal at the most inopportune moments. Because you need to realize something quite fundamental, which is, when you leave your speaker just widely open through AirPlay I can easily hijack it and turn it off, or worse, play the heinous selection I have of microtonal jazz and j-core jackoff music. It takes two to tango, and I would very much like to not step on your toes more than is needed.

One last thing, I don’t hate you. I don’t even necessarily dislike you. But if I could cause this headache to appear right into every partygoer at this very moment I would. Because I only have two days off work that I get to have for myself, and you have made me an unwilling participant in your party. I didn’t get any free drinks, I didn’t get to talk to any of your smooth-brained guests, and I didn’t even get to blast my own music to my satisfaction. My Saturday has been ruined. I couldn’t watch my ape-programming like I wanted to and I now have a massive headache before going to bed.

Fuck you. Go suck the gunk out of the shower drain you miserable twat.

Best,

Your downstairs neighbor

.dash

#rant