Finding Purpose in Big Projects

12 Mar, 2025

Recently I made a huge breakthrough. I wrote about having this breakthrough in the post The Pleasure of Eureka. The breakthrough was for this project that I have been working on for the last couple of months. I had been wracking my head against a problem I was facing in a project and suddenly something just clicked. The fantastic news is that this breakthrough led me to an even bigger one. The idea that I had for the first project could well be expanded upon in the second one. I have been very excited lately trying to figure out how, if I were to make this thing real, it would even happen. Having one project lead to an even bigger thing is of course very exciting. It means that I have some purpose, some energy to where I could direct my attention, and the fabulous opportunity for disappointment. While new big projects are fun, I mustn’t forget that it will require potentially years of grueling work. Am I ready for that? Am I ready to sink thousands of hours into something which might never even have any reach? These are difficult questions, but what is driving me is a dangerous passion that what this project could be, would be meaningful to at least a single person.

This new project has necessitated a kind of rekindling of some old interests of mine, which has been quite the pleasant surprise to be honest. Digging through old stuff and finding inspiration where previously I found only tedium and routine has been quite exciting. I have noticed that my spirits have been up and that the desire to work on the project hasn’t turned into feeling like a chore (although I know it eventually will). Projects go through life-cycles and it is the people you involve that push and pull from different angles which make it exciting and worthwhile. Doing development, writing, team sports, or any other socially creative activity is when I feel the most like a person. Doing cool stuff with cool and passionate people is what I want to do, full stop.

After having the breakthrough, I had another epiphany that came just after. Without betraying too much, I felt almost ecstatic. I had to sit down and just write an outline of what this thing would even be, trying to model and find things that were similar enough that I could draw inspiration from. It was wild to feel like I had so much potential brewing inside me; that there was a vision just waiting to be realized.

Now, I’ve done big projects before and I know that visions and reality often differ greatly. While the idea you have in your head might be amazing, how you get it out of your body is a different deal altogether. Externalizing an idea requires quite a bit of proficiency in the techniques that you use. Getting something out of your body is a whole thing in and of itself. And yes, that is how I have always perceived ideas: as these visions or objects that live inside me, and then the next 10-15 months is trying to slowly but surely extract and compare to the thing inside. Sometimes ideas change and morph, that’s natural, but the end state of the product should coincide mostly to the vision of object that I “see” in my head. Getting it right is always difficult, but getting it pitch perfect is akin to a miracle. If I have an idea, tinkering too much with it will be the death of its publication.

That said, I already have many threads that I will hopefully make into a single, coherent thing. That is the hope anyway. Whether or not I am able to fully realize it is another matter entirely. But I have already planned out the logistics of how it would come about, where to work, how to work, and what to do. While I don’t know any schedule or breaks, I am sure that this project too will have its lulls and rises. But now I need to make it real with the energy that I currently have for it. Come August or September who knows what my energy levels will look like.

I know already that I will write continually about it here, probably referring to it with the ominous sounding “project”. At least for a while. Since the goal of dotdash is anonymity, being too frank about it would betray too much. This place is as much a project as the one I am planning to do, and while I know that no one is reading what I am writing – which is perfectly fine – I do think writing to the audience I want to have is as important for dotdash as any actual audience. I don’t want to write for an audience who wouldn’t want to read anyway. I don’t want to write things that I know is ticklish to the brain. Because the disgust I felt for the simple, pseudo-moralizing, and, let’s be frank, bigoted stuff I read elsewhere is exactly what led me here. I don’t want to write to a hivemind. I want you to challenge me if I am bullshitting. What I don’t want is to attract people who don’t care, or people who are driven by bad faith. So maintaining a cool vibe here is essential for all other projects as well. Even if you might be the only one reading. And if you are reading, thank you! :)

This project (which I am keeping vague for the moment) is big. It will require a ton of energy and work, but I ultimately believe that it is a worthwhile endeavor. I hope it will contribute to something good for people whether they know it exists or not. Have you had breakthroughs on big projects? How did you manage yourself around that? I would sincerely like to hear from anyone in that situation, because I think I am about to take a deep plunge into something really, really cool.

Anyway, I should probably get back to it.

.dash

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